In Your mind too much?

One of the things that is common among all of us is: ‘We all think we are important or not important at all’ There are casual one’s in-between who think they are just ok, but mostly when a person is at this phase, they have already gone through either of the above mentioned.

I used to fall under the first category. Having said that, I am not saying I consider myself 'not important' anymore. It simply means, I and my words don't matter to everyone and everywhere.

I was ignored as a child. I wanted my friends to listen to me until I felt invisible. There were times when I was saying something but then two of my other friends would start a completely different topic like my voice was only heard by me.

It was a long time ago. An age where normal kids wouldn't even think of such things.

But there I was.

However, the more I was unheard, the more I developed the desire to be heard. As a result, I developed the habit of sharing my opinions where I had no right to speak, with people to whom my thoughts weren't invited, and at places where my presence or absence didn't matter.

Before you throw Instagram cliche quotes, let me tell you one harsh reality: You may think your opinions are so unique and amazing and your words are so funny and amusing. However, it wouldn't be worth anything if you were around people for whom you are not so important.

For example: Almost a year ago, I was on my way to meet my cousins. I am not particularly close with any of them. However, I was going to attend a wedding where they all were coming too. When I was on my way, I found myself picturing everyone sitting and having fun. In the same imagination, I also pictured myself talking about my 'unique' point of view on dog adoption. Yes, there I was. In my imagination, I was telling one of my cousins that people who adopt 'great looking dogs' just to ignore the street dogs are the biggest hypocrites. It's the street dogs who need our help and care not the good-looking ones who are forced to breed until they die. That's not animal love, that's cruelty.

I am aware that I may be sounding mad. However, this kind of situation isn't limited to me, is it?

The Imagination of Acceptance:

We all find ourselves talking inside our minds where our opinions are heard, and we are appreciated for our unique point of view. Like people are so awestruck by our words. They didn't know we were capable of having such amazing thoughts but here we are surprising them all with our wisdom or funny words.

Self-Talking Vs Desperate Talking:

Some people might say that 'Talking to yourself is a great thing, what's wrong with that?' As much as I encourage self-talk, I also want you to understand that there is a difference between talking to yourself and talking with people inside your head. If you slip back inside your head and dialogues are going inside your head where people of your real life are present, it could be a sign of loneliness. It shows that either you are lonely or the child in you still feels unheard.

In my case, I wasn't lonely. I did my inner work, and I knew that the reason I am too much in my head (where people listen to me) is because I had fewer people in real life listening to me. If you think, you can see yourself in my example, here is what I would recommend to you:

 1. Find Your Way Back:

No matter, how many people sit down to listen to you, until you make yourself feel heard and important, you will always be desperate for external attention. Hear me out: Maybe you were not heard as a child (like me) or maybe your friends or family or partner doesn't pay much attention to your words now. Maybe you were invisible as a child or maybe you feel you are becoming invisible now to people. Whatever the case may be, no one of it matters. Yes, you read that right. What's done is a closed case. You cannot force people to listen to you now and you cannot go back in the past either. The only wise option you have right now is to understand that loneliness is born from inside not outside. People are already ignoring you (or not paying attention to you), now imagine if you do the same thing to yourself, how lonely you will make yourself?

The reason you are too much in your head with other people is that your attention is still on external people. You want to have the attention of certain people in real life. When you cannot get it, you start to imagine it in your head like 'Next I will meet her, I will say this or that?' If you pay close attention, you will find at least one person wanting to listen to you and if not, you can choose to make new friends and let go of those for whom you don't matter. But you are choosing to be rigid.

You want to have the attention of the same person. It could be an old friend, a family member, or maybe your partner. Whoever it is you find yourself in your head the most is the one who is triggering the ignored person inside you. The best bet for you is: Open the door of your mind and show these people out. Actually say, I don't want any of you here. This upper floor (your mind) is my place, and I don't want to be performing for you here.

The reason you are in your head too much with people is that you feel lonely with the people you already have in your life. The sign that you have to prepare a skit or imagine what you all to say to certain people shows that 'you are not allowed to speak as much in real life with them.' Remember how I was telling you that I was talking about dogs with my cousins in my head? It's because after observing, I realized, I can never speak as much with them in real life. They will cut me in between.

They are nice to me, but I don't matter as much for them. When I am with them, I don't feel important. So, I open the space inside my head to feel important. That's the difference.

Now that I have realized this whole math, I have worked on myself a lot. When I am with my cousins, I don't speak just to get ignored. I stay silent. Not only in real life but in my mind as well. It's a long practice. It doesn't happen overnight. You have to understand the math and find a solution that suits best for you. In my case, first I became silent in my head by becoming mindful of my imagination. Next, I became silent with them in real life. I do speak when it's necessary.

I speak when attention is on me. I don't speak to get attention. This is what you have to do as well.

Secondly, what I did was: 

2. Listen to Yourself A LOT:

It's funny how we complain that people don't listen to us but what about you? How much do you listen to yourself and do what your inner self wants to do? For a simple case, your inner self has been trying to tell you to 'give up social media? This is the reason you watch one video every week on how to become a digital minimalist or why you decide to limit your social media time every day. But have you been able to do it? Nah, I don't think so. This was just one teeny-tiny example. Your life is the epitome of such examples. Right from the time you wake to the time you go to sleep, if you pay close attention, you will find hundreds of things you do that your inner self doesn't want you to be doing. YET... there you are.

It's easy to put the blame on other people and call it 'trauma' but it's tough to take responsibility and analyze what have you been doing wrong. If you want to make your life peaceful and want your mind to be a silent place, you have to do two things:

1. Give yourself the attention you want from others

2. Stop contradicting your inner voice.

How Can You Give Attention to Yourself: The Art of Being Alone, if you want to do something, do it — with or without people. If you want to have a movie set up but you don't have friends to enjoy it with, do it with yourself. The movie will be the same and the set will be the same too. Only you will learn to enjoy things on your own. If you want to go shopping but your friends are busy, go on your own and finally learn the shopping marts won't cage you if you go alone. Buy things solely based on your liking and learn to enjoy the little adventure.

The baseline is to ENJOY everything on your own for which you are waiting for others to join you. If your friends stay busy for a month, are you going to wait an entire month and leave your heart yearning for joy? The choice is yours. Either be a baby and wait for someone to come and take you. Or be an adult, use your legs, and go explore the joys hidden in the world, ON YOUR OWN.

 Honor Your Inner Voice: Honoring your inner voice means listening to the desire of your heart and acting on it. If your inner voice asks you to use fewer social media, DO IT. If your inner voice guides you towards learning something new, DO IT. It's one thing to listen to yourself. But it's a completely different thing to act on it. Everyone knows what is right and what should be done. It's tough to act on them. Those who honor their inner voice don't need validation from anyone. They know what they are doing. They find joy in it. Hence, their focus is on the task at hand rather than the imaginary world of mind.

In closing, I hope this article helps you in getting out of your head and becoming present in your life. Giving attention to yourself and honoring your inner voice. You have lived in your mind enough, now is the time to get back to real life.

Thank you Sakhile for the platform, its always wonderful working with you..

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