In your mind too much? Part 2

Just like a relationship cannot work if two people involved have hidden side interests, similarly, life cannot work if what you say ‘you want’ is different from ‘what you work for.’

Now, you must be thinking, ‘Renuka, I am not stupid, why would I want one thing but work for another?’

And you are right. You are not stupid but you are living on autopilot mode where your daily life is a byproduct of what the world has recommended you to do.

To give you another example from my own life, back when I shifted back to my hometown, I thought life would be just perfect here. I love the slow pace of life with no competition around. However, reality was not the same.

My home town is surely small but it has no library, parks, gardens, cafe or any other place where you can go and enjoy yourself or the warmth of mother nature.

Topping it all, I have ZERO friends here.

What a great life.

I complained about it for as long as I can remember. I always associated slow living with nature, trees, and cute little bookshops but here I was.

After almost one year or more of constant whining, this is what I learned:

1. The Problem Is Your Mental Association:

How often do you buy something or take a new road in life with immense excitement just to feel bored and normal with it? The excitement disappears and you wonder 'Why did I buy this? Why did I choose to adopt this new hobby?' Things that were making sense in our minds didn't align with our reality and so we often feel betrayed.

The problem, as I have come to realize from my mistake, is our mental association with things. I always knew what my hometown looked like. But in my mind, after watching all those soothing videos of slow living, I just pictured in my head that I would be so happy in my hometown.

It was my fault for associating slow living with nature, trees, and all that aesthetic stuff when I should have understood the principle or philosophy of slow living. After this realization, I was less dissatisfied with life and more in constant wonder, What can I do today to live a little sweetly?'

The answers were right there. I realized I could wake up early and go for an early morning walk when there is absolutely no one on the road. I could go for the evening walks after dinner with my father, and I do. I could go to my favorite every now and then and eat waffles. I could ask my mom to have a chit-chat with me over a cup of tea.

The town is the same and so am I. I just learned to let go of the association of my dream life with certain scenarios. As long as you hold onto those 'associations', you won't be able to enjoy what is right in front of you.

You will always feel that for now, you don't have what it takes to live a better life. Thus, always feeling dissatisfied in life.

I don't know how you want to live but whatever your dream life looks like, you have to find ways to start living it even if it's not perfect.

The power is in your imagination. You can either make the best of what you have or you can keep complaining about what you don't have. Either way, life is yours.

2. Steal The Moments of Joy:

Why do you work so hard? Why is it that the self-help industry is growing at an insane speed? Why those YouTubers who have one more tip to give you on productivity are still relevant? All of it is because each one of us wants to live a better life. We want to become successful as soon as possible.

We feel we cannot afford to lose, so we buy another course, book, watch another video, and add one more task to our to-do list. Just so we can become something. What we don't realize is that in the race to become something, we end up losing the most precious years of our lives.

Your early 20s to late 30s is a crucial time. Ideally, you have to work hard to build wealth and a career. However, you are also expected to have fun and date. Even though there is no age limit to enjoy life society has made us believe that your do-or-die years are early 20s to late 30s. So, we try to do it all.

In that race of doing it all, most people end up attending stupid parties - feeling this is how you enjoy life and then pick random good-looking people to date to tell the world, 'Oh, I am having fun?' But tell me if this is in any way satisfying. It cannot be. Partying here and there can be fun, sure. Dating someone you genuinely feel attracted to can be fun, Sure. But doing all of this on autopilot — believing this is right can be toxic.

However, that doesn't mean you cannot have fun. As much as you work, you need just as much laughter and joy in your life. Of course, you cannot sit there to watch standup comedy for 8 hours but you can steal a few moments in your everyday life for joy.

If you do so, you won't need worldly ways to feel 'you are having fun.' You need to build a life that aligns with your inner cycle perfectly. I know I cannot rush all the time and I need space in between tasks to think clearly.

So, instead of making plans or feeling sorry for not having any plans, I try to find moments of joy in my daily life like taking a 5-minute walk at around 5 on my terrace during winter. I call it my golden hours. Then I read my favorite book before going to bed with a cup of hot milk or hot chocolate. I am also learning to cook and I find it extremely fun to dance on my favorite songs. All of this is so small yet it brings so much joy that I don't feel the need to live any other way. I feel blessed to live a life of true freedom.

Now, it's on you to decide, how can you find time for joy? Are you ready to steal some moments to savor your surroundings or are you going to wait till you are 70 to realize life is about enjoying small moments?

Just remember one thing: If you can add one more task to your list to achieve more, you can add one thing that brings you joy to feel satisfied.

 3. Make the Unwanted Task Wanted:

No matter who you are, I am sure there must be a few things in your schedule that you absolutely hate yet you cannot skip them.

At first, when I used to watch those videos on slow living, I used to think Today, I will enjoy myself but my circumstances used to bring the same disconnection with my life.

However, I learned one thing no matter how much I hate living here, this is what I have, so what can I do now? That one question brought a flood of answers for me. Now every time I have to do something that I hate, I ask myself the same question, 'How can I make this better?'

The catch is to make the unwanted things wanted. For example: I used to hate cooking. But now, I love it. Earlier, I was focused on learning to cook everything. But now, I changed my approach. I started to cook only those dishes that were healthier, tastier, and easier.

Honestly, I cannot cook for two. But I cook for myself and I have never felt so satisfied with my meals. I don't feel guilty eating now. Because I cook what is healthy and knowing that I am doing something for my health gives me a great boost. I made the unwanted wanted.

Gradually, I will shift to learning more complicated dishes when I am more confident. Now ask yourself, what is something you hate to do in your daily life? But how can you make it better? Life is so small to hate doing things. Make it better. Make it enjoyable with your desire to live a good life.

I think I have said a lot and I should stop before I start to sound like your grandma. I am going to go and read a book with a cup of coffee. Thank you again Dr. Sakhile for borrowing me your audience.

In closing , remember one thing, your first and only starting job is to stop wishing one thing and doing another. Align your desires with your actions. Make life better with your choices. And just steal a few moments of pure joy.

My book which goes into details on this idea called, The art of being alone, is available on Amazon.