Why is it so hard to trust the Process?

Why are anxiety and disruptive thoughts the only default behavior we fall for at any time the present seems hard, and the future looks uncertain?

Welcome to the November edition of the Ndlalane Health newsletter! Today, we will explore a topic that many of us struggle with: "Why is it hard to trust the process?” This question encourages us to think about our journeys and challenges how we view growth and healing.

This topic is important to me because it has helped me become who I am today. When we face the uncertainties in our own life, we find strength that we didn’t know I had.

I am your host, DocSakhi, and I am also the curator of this newsletter. If you wish to give feedback, feel free to respond to this email. If you’re not a member yet, just click here to join our mailing list at no extra charge. Today’s reading is only an 8-minute read, let’s dive in!

There is not one but thousands of quotes on Instagram and X that say, ‘If it’s meant to be, it will be.’ Or that, ‘I don’t chase, I attract.’ You have come across these quotes, haven’t you? Not once but multiple times. God only knows, how many times you have commented, typing it from your own two hands, ‘Thank you. I needed to hear this.’

Reading these kinds of quotes, or lines on the internet gives us a sense of faith. It silences the chatter in our minds for a few hours or days. We begin to believe  that  everything will be fine.

But what happens when the effect of these quotes wears off?

How come we end up creating forty-four thousand different ways we could fail or how everything can go against us or that something terrible will happen because the present moment seems so uncomfortable and unfamiliar?

Why is it that our default ‘thinking’ always pushes us towards the end of the edge? Why can’t we remember in tough times that ‘If it’s meant to be, it will be.’?

Is it negative thoughts? Why do we think ‘negative?’

I have come to think that, there isn’t such a thing as negative thinking but we just need to understand that our brains rely on estimating the possible danger so we can be prepared for what is to come.

Analyzing the situation is not negative thinking. It’s strategic thinking. It’s your mind’s way of keeping you safe. Let’s say we go back to a time when we, humans, were monkey-man. I am sure that most if not all of us have heard about the theory of evolution. If we think in those lines for a moment, we realize that our ancestors used to travel, eat, sleep, and do everything in between in groups. Why? So that should a predatory animal attack them, they could fight against such danger together. We evolved from monkeys man to humans based on one thing — we understood the power of the brain. We understood how the brain works. We understood what thinking really is.

However, before we could realize the power of our brains, we were naked monkey man and anything that was ‘unfamiliar or new’ was a sign of curiosity but mostly danger. There was no such thing as preparing for the five years ahead to dominate the industry you wish to work in.

If we maintain that trait of behavior we can thus understand why when something, someone looked new or unfamiliar, due to lack of thinking, we used to consider it as a ‘danger.’  We have heard the many stories of people who were killed at birth because they looked different. That was because we did not understand or knew birth deformities so our fears took over.

This, to date, is still one of the biggest reasons why so many of us are afraid to do anything new. Why it’s so tough for us to give our dreams a chance even when we know what needs to be done  —  the future looks unfamiliar, or rather completely dark — thus, a sign of danger for our not-so-evolved ‘monkey’ brain.

You might like to believe that it’s been ages since we evolved into humans. But FEAR is still the biggest dominating emotion that controls our brains and thus, our actions.

Look around you and try to observe how so many people / religions / countries perform certain actions based on fear.

• It is the fear of becoming a minority that certain religions attack and forcibly convert other people.

• It is the fear that your kid might not be able to become successful that you force them to study without paying attention to their emotion or mental well-being.

• It is the fear of not being able to make it big in the world that you do everything in your power — whether that’s buying another course guide or watching a YouTube about how to get a glow-up.

• It is the fear of not being chosen or left out that you try so hard to blend in, to be one of them.

• It is the fear of wasting your life that you try to maximize every hour of your day by filling it with as many tasks as possible.

• It is the FEAR that you don’t know what might happen that you cannot trust the ‘timing’ of your life or believe that ‘What’s meant to be, will be.’

The big question is, if we have evolved so much then why is it that our brains still look for ‘danger’ which might never happen?

The answer is — the practice of practicing the wrong thinking. I know I might be losing you here but let me explain. There is a distinct difference between Trusting the Process and Trusting Yourself:

Do you know why your brain’s go-to is negative thinking? Because you did not consciously choose to change the direction of your thinking, so when the process happens, you experience a lot of unfamiliarity and fear kicks in. Fear is normal by the way, as I have explained that it’s part of our protective mechanism. Anyone who says, I am not afraid of what will happen is lying. They are selling a confident image. If you buy that image and think, someday, you will no longer be afraid of your future too, and  in the process, you become so harsh on yourself  —  blaming and trying to find the reason why you can’t be more brave like them.

Bravery doesn’t exist in the absence of fear. Bravery exists in the presence of faith and trust.

Faith and trust on…what?Sakhile! Faith is not in God only or in the timing of your life. I am talking about ‘Faith and Trust in yourself’.

How?

Let’s understand it through an example. For example I have been afraid of my future as a writer, and as an author in the past. When I started this newsletter, it did not do so well for over a year. I started doubting my writing skills. It gave me anxiety just to think, ‘What if the book I am working on does not sell that much? What will I do then? Who will I write for? How can I earn money through this skill?’

You see, everyone is afraid and my fears are valid. I trust that whatever happens, it will be for my greater good. But at that moment when I had the data that spoke against the ‘Whatever was happening was for my greater good,’ it became tough to trust in this invisible God. In fact, for a moment, I started thinking if all this ‘meant to be’ stuff is just another gimmick of social media. But as a few weeks passed and I sat with my fear, my internal dialogues, the more afraid I felt, the more I thought, and the more I tried to understand and read my life, I came to one simple conclusion:

‘I am a damn good writer and I can do this.’

At this moment, my trust is not just based on God or the invisible forces of the Universe. I speak positively and enjoy life vibrating at a higher frequency. But that’s not what makes me feel so confident. It’s all a backup you see. A good story to support my brain. My real confidence comes from MY OWN ABILITY to make things happen.

There is a famous story about a person who asked God, ‘Why should he work if everything is already decided for him by God.’

God responded and said, ‘Because, I have left a few pages empty for you to write your story as how you want it to be.’

···

Learn to Trust Yourself:

Do you know why a bird never notices if the branch it sits on is broken or not? Because it has faith in its wings. We don’t have it in our wings but in our powerhouse, ’the brain’.

The reason it’s tough for you to trust the timing of your life or to believe that what’s meant to be will be is because you don’t TRUST yourself. If you did then you would say, ‘Even if something good doesn’t come out of this, I will find a way to make it good.’

That is what gives people the confidence to trust the process. Because they know that after this, if something bad happens, they know themselves well enough that despite the circumstances, they will make it good.

In my case. Let’s say no one reads my book. So, what? They will read the third or fourth one or perhaps the tenth one. In any case, I know I am not going to stop writing because the number doesn’t support me. In the meantime, if I need to, I can find other means to make an extra income. I can cut down on expenses if it comes to that. The trust in myself is so strong that it doesn't matter how many copies I sell, in my eyes, what I write matters.

Now ask yourself, ‘Can you trust yourself enough to know that even if the process looks scary, the future seems dark and your monkey brain starts to panic, you won’t give up? You won’t let your ‘fear-based thinking’ take you away in the direction of anxiety, and pain?’

It’s just about shifting the focus from trusting the process to trusting yourself. I wholeheartedly believe that what’s meant to be, will be. Even if you work your butt off, if it’s not meant to happen then it won’t. BUT… Is your trust in yourself strong enough to believe that even if all my efforts go in vain, I will start again? I will work on something else. I will find a way. I will not let myself drown. I won’t let myself cry alone at 3 AM at night. I will not let myself slip away into the hole of darkness.

When you learn to trust yourself, trusting the process will come naturally to you. Fearful thinking says ‘Everything looks uncertain. I am sure everything is going against me.’

Trust says, ‘Everything looks uncertain. That means I am working on something I have never done before. I know, I will learn so many new things and will become a whole new version of myself.’

I have spoken too much, and you had to sit through my rant, but I hope you have learnt something. Let’s wrap up.

Basically what I’m trying to say in so many words is that, forget about ‘meant’ to be as the end result.  It’s about how you approach your daily life. How you treat yourself in the process. How you live day-to-day will define whether you can trust yourself or not.

When you live your daily life giving your best, be it in your school, work or relationship, you build enough evidence for your brain to believe  —  that you are a reliable person. You are a responsible person  —  someone who can navigate through tough times with ease.

I’ll leave you with these questions.

• How should you live your daily life such that it speaks confidence?

• What can you do for yourself every day that will improve your self-image?

Feel free to share with me by simply replying to this newsletter or send to [email protected]

Trusting the process is not a one-day magic mantra. Trusting the process is backed by strong self-trust. Strong self-trust comes from a reliable day-to-day life.

Cheers bye for now ✌🏽😉